I am filled with cold anger. He leaves me no choice. Should I chose him, over the reputation of Israel and its king? I gave him every chance, but he made his decision and disobeyed me!

I have sent him to Joab with a letter, his own death warrant. it says 'Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die. I expect your loyalty to be to your king and your confidentiality to be complete. Send me news when it is done. David.'

I am so weary through lack of sleep. Have been laying in bed, tossing and turning, considering every possibility to end this madness. It all just got so messy in such a short space of time. One minute I was out for a walk on the roof, and now...? But this is all part of leadership, sending soldiers to their death. This time doesn't have to be any different. I didn't want to do this. All along I tried to think of alternatives that would suit everyone. Who would have thought he would be so stubborn in his duty? What soldier worth his salt would pass up the chance to sleep with his wife? No, he should have done the right thing. Indeed you could say he dishonoured his wife with such behavior. How must she feel to know he was here but did not share her bed? This is the best way, the only way. Many soldiers die, and he will be dying an honourable death, in battle, a good death for a man. Joab will carry out my instructions, he is a loyal commander. But what if he doesn't? What if Joab rejects my request and lets him live. He would have every right to make this public, inform the man that I intended to kill him. Then my sin and shame would be public, then our enemies would think our Lord and our nation is weak. No Joab is loyal the Lord and Israel, he would never do that! He will know this will go some way to making the piece between us after he killed Abner. No, he will do it.

My head has been so confused lately. It has taken all my willpower to stay focused. It will be over soon, all I have to do now is wait...